Dipper's Bad Day
by kingxana0
Summary: Bill Cipher is bored and decides to start playing with Dipper's love life. How is a boy to survive when he is suddenly the center of all female attention? Can he make it a full day, or will he fall victim to the demons insane fun?


Bill Cipher was bored, and that meant the world in its current state of harmony wouldn't be lasting for long. Now normally for a being that saw time and space like a parade passing bellow being bored wasn't even in the cards, but for his current plan he needed to follow a certain timeline if he ever wanted it to resolve in the way he wished, and to that end he had to do the most boring thing a being that could see infinity and nothingness in the same eye could ever possibly do. He waited.

At first it had been no sweat. He finally had time to write down his life story, make and solve an entirely new mathematical system based on elder science that would melt the brain of normal humans. But now he was reduced to simply moping about within the Mindscape with nothing to do. With a sigh of frustrations he summoned his interdimensional phone (which appeared to be a coconut with a string that disappeared into a tiny portal) to his hand and tapped it a few times.

"Who dares awaken Great Cthulhu from his eternal dreams?!" a demonic voice screamed out from the coconut.

"Hey calm down fish face its Bill, Bill Cipher." Bill looped the cord attached to the coconut a few times around his fingers with a lazy sigh.

For a moment there was silence before what sounded like a bomb exploding came from the other side, most likely the Great Old One snapping his fingers. "Oh Bill, man I haven't heard from you since college at…" Cthulhu made a sound that was the child of a thousand voices being burned in agony and a clowns laugh. "Man those were crazy times."

Bill chuckled a bit at the old memories. "Yeah, remember the time we dressed up the Time Baby in a toga and made him run around the school?"

"Heh, pledge week, who can forget?" the sound of a man screaming followed by silence came through before the Elder God spoke again. "Sorry snack, so what's up?"

"Gonna level with you buddy, got this big plan coming up but have to stick to a single timeline to wait for the exact moment, meaning I have nothing to do," Bill floated up in the air, turning red and a large fire appearing around him. "If I don't do something soon I am going to explode!"

"Have you considered tormenting your enemies?" Cthulhu suggested. "I don't know much about it, but apparently it's a hot ticket for people with actually enemies."

"Torment my enemies huh?" Bill calmed down and thought for a moment, his body flashing through the various creatures that had bothered him. Most of his enemies were crazy or couldn't be hurt without ruining his plans. That is except for one… his body finally stopped flashing on the image of Dipper Pines. "You know it's just crazy enough to work."

"Good on you buddy, now you called in the middle of a nap, so I am going to go ahead and get back to my shut eye." the line went dead after a few moments.

Bill tossed the phone aside and tapped his body a few times until he was tuned into Dipper's dreams, needing to know exactly how to mess with him.

The dream was bog standard for the dream demon. It involved Dipper being surrounded by reporters as he gave a full and details report of his various findings. So far there was nothing that Bill could use that would make the boy's life truly miserable. But then something happened that drew Bill's interest. A number of the girls from the town ran up to him and began to crowd around once he had finished giving his report.

"Wow Dipper you were totally amazing up there, solving all the mysteries like a superhero." the dream version of Wendy said, a small blush on her face.

"Yes, you were much like an amazing person." the dream version of Candy said, getting awfully close to him.

"It was kind of nerdy but you still looked handsome while you were doing It." a dream version of Pacifica joined the group crowding around Dipper.

Soon the three were joined by other girls from Gravity Falls, each heaping praise upon Dipper, some even giving him phone numbers or cute notes that his imagination filled with all sorts of thing. Standard for a young boy's dream, especially when they started actually noticing girls around them.

Bill rubbed his hands together and laughed darkly. "So little Pine tree wants some attention from the women around him huh?" a dark cloud passed through the otherwise chaotic room as Bill began to gather his power. Normally he would need to make a deal with someone to effect reality in a meaningful way, but the opening of the gate that had brought back the second uncle had punched a small hole in reality, meaning that so long as he was casting actual magic instead of his usual power he should be fine. One didn't live to be Bill's age without having a work around to mess with people.

" _ **BrxzloouhylhzwklvidqilfwlrqbrxzlooidyrulwhwklvidqilfwlrqBrxzlooiroorzwklvidqilfwlrq**_ ," a flare of green flames flowed through Bill's form and into the bedroom of the Mystery Shack, swirling around Dipper before entering into his body, causing the young boy to shiver and pull the blankets over him. "Now then," Bill summoned a bowl of popcorn and sat back, tossing one of the kernels at his face and having it bounce off as he watched the events unfold. "Let's have some fun."

* * *

Dipper Pines lived a very strange and surreal life. Between his almost daily brushes with the supernatural and the constant feeling he was being watched it was easy enough to say that the boy was usually ready for almost anything. Of course there were surprises now and again that he couldn't see coming. Like the fact he had two Grunkles, or that Pacifica Northwest might not actually be the worst person in the history of ever.

Despite those facts Dipper felt like he had a pretty good grasp on how things in the world typically worked. Gravity pulled things down, people breathed air to survive, and supernatural wax figures melted in the right conditions.

But that being said none of these things really prepared Dipper for what was waiting for him when he woke up in the morning. Which was his sister sitting on top of him and giving him an odd look that he had never seen aimed his way before. It was next to impossible to guess what it was, but it was definitely giving him a sinking feeling. "Uh…Mabel?"

She blinked a bit and tilted her head, wearing a goofy grin on her face. While a goofier grin on her face then the one she normally wore at the very least. "Hey Brobro, what's up?" the way she spoke was a bit slurred, with quite a few words being highlighted by giggles. In fact her face looked quite flushed at the moment.

"You okay?" Dipper put his hand against her forehead for a moment with a worried expression. It took a lot to make Mabel sick, but with how she had been running around and all the excitement it would have been easy for something to slip through the cracks of her usually impenetrable immune system.

As soon as his hand made contact with her forehead however her cheeks turned a dark pink and she fell off of the bed, quickly hoping up and giving a grin while slowly backing away. "Oh I forget I have a thing, and stuff, and uh…yep bye!" she turned around and dashed out of the room with a speed that would make most professional runners envious.

"What the heck was that all about?" Dipper asked himself, scratching the back of his head before giving out a small yawn. "Eh, probably just Mabel being Mabel, not worth worrying about."

After taking a few minutes to wash up Dipper made his way downstairs, only to find that there was already breakfast waiting for him on the table. Through it was hard to call what was sitting at his normal spot at the table 'breakfast', more like a miniature feast. There were entire stacks of pancakes, a small mountain of bacon, and an entire hen's house worth of eggs made in sunnyside up, scrambled, and even hard boiled. There was even a selection of drinks, ranging from orange juice to Pitt Cola, in both regular and diet forms. Mabel stood at the other side of the table, that same strange smile on her face. "Hope you're hungry!"

Dipper cautiously took a seat at the table, giving his sister a knowing look. "Okay what do you want Mabel, this has 'I am trying to get Dipper to do my dirty work' written all over it."

Mabel let out a shocked gasp, and for a moment it seemed like his words had actually hurt her. Her eyes turned downward and she shuffled in place. "I just wanted to show you how much I cared, that all."

"No no its fine, it all looks great." to prove the fact he began to eat some of the food she had made for him, and was pleased to find that it tasted better then it looked.

"Is that food I didn't have to cook for myself?" Stan came down the stairs dressed in his usual outfit when there weren't people around the scam, a pair of boxers and a faded out white shirt. "Wow, did I pay for all of this food?" he walked around it for a moment. "Did I miss another holiday…or someone's birthday…no wait don't tell me someone kicked the bucket?!" for a moment a look of worry came over his face, before he remembered something. "Wait no that doesn't make sense, pretty sure I would be the first one to know about that. Eh whatever." he reached for some bacon, only to have Mabel smack his hand with a spatula.

"No Grunkle Stan, that is for Dipper," she leveled a rather steely glare at him. "If he doesn't eat well then who knows what might happen?" Mabel leveled an odd smile at Dipper once more.

Stan looked like he was about to say something, right before a voice called up from the lab. "Stanley get down here, I think we might be experiencing a small reality warping field, whatever is causing it might have disastrous effects that could change the very fabric of reality!" the dire tone caused everyone to frown and gain looks of worry. "At least for a single day, then things will probably go back to normal." everyone let out a sigh of relief at that.

"Well I better go see what my brother is freaking out about before he gets out the crossbow and tries to set the Mystery Shack on fire." Stan let out a sigh and walked toward the vending machine, typing in the code and going down to his former lab.

Dipper took a few more bites before scooting away from the table and patting his stomach. "And that's my cue to leave, I was reading journal two and I want to look into some of the stuff in there."

"Oh oh oh!" Mabel jumped up next to him, wrapping her arms around his and getting uncomfortably close to him. "I want to come with!"

Dipper was about to protest before Stan called out from the lab. "Mabel, Ford is having another mental breakdown, get the cute cat videos loaded on your weird t.v. phone to calm him down!"

"We are all doomed, better to blow it all up then suffer through this!" Ford's voice rang clear from the lab.

Dipper saw the opportunity and quickly broke free of Mabel's grip, running out of the Mystery Shack with a wave back. "Whelp that sounds important, later sis!"

"But wait!" Mabel was about to go after him, but once he was far enough away her expression went blank for a moment. She shook her head and looked around confused, not quite sure what was going on. "What am I doing, why is my sweater covered in batter?" she looked down at her sweater.

"Mabel the cat videos, I think Ford is about to make a bomb out of a toaster and a Boyz Twelve disc!" Stan's desperate voice pulled the girl into actions, and she pulled out her phone and ran down the stairs. There would be time to worry about stuff later. Besides what was the worst thing that could possibly happen?

* * *

Dipper slowed down his pace once he was far enough away from the Mystery Shack, letting out a quick breath of relief. Mabel was usually pretty weird, but that had been a new level even for her. He gave a shrug to himself and pulled out the second journal, opening it to the page he would be looking into today before walking forward, only to find that he bumped into someone not a few feet ahead. "Oh sorry," he lowered the book and smiled at the person in front of him. "Oh Wendy, hey!"

Wendy smiled at Dipper for a moment, just about to return his greeting before her expression blanked for a moment, only to be replaced by a rather different sort of smile, one that could be described only as 'flirty'. "Hey Dipper, good to see you."

For some reason a cold feeling ran through Dipper, and he had the sudden sense this would be a long day.

And somewhere far away Bill began to laugh, knowing this would be the start of a fun day.

* * *

I am the sides of the one who watches, and from this the answer to questions asked may be found.

Thanks to everyone for reading this, and stay tuned for more fun.


End file.
